gatau harus ngasih judul apa

there. I finally got to tell him my biggest, darkest, and only secret I have.

the after effect?

antara lega, takut, sedih, merasa bersalah, gaenak, campur aduk lah semuanya

lega karena akhirnya i came clean with him, i have nothing else to hide

ngebiarin dia menanyakan semua yg dia pengen tau.. walaupun agak tertekan karena harus mengingat apa yg selama ini sudah coba gw lupain, tapi lebih baik seperti itu daripada dia hanya menyimpan semua pertanyaannya sendiri

but then, comes the part that i fear the most..

the part that has become my consequences

betapapun gw ingin dia tinggal, gw sangat bs mengerti klo emang dia pada akhirnya memutuskan untuk meninggalkan gw,

karena kalaupun gw jd dia, gw gatau deh akan tetap tinggal atau pergi

terutama karena yg di ekspektasikan segitu besarnya dan jauh dari kenyataan

semua terjadi begitu menyakitkan bahkan buat gw, terlebih lagi buat dia..

sungguh sangat bersyukur gw punya dia yg sangat berbesar hati dan baik luar biasa,

dia yg masih mau berusaha mematahkan pemikirannya untuk tetap menerima gw dan sayang sm gw

dia yg masih mau melihat gw, menggenggam tangan gw, memeluk gw, bilang klo dia sayang banget sm gw dan ga akan ninggalin gw (which makes my tears fall unstoppable)

gw tau itu bukan hal yg mudah untuk dilakukan

sangat tidak mudah

it kills me the most when i saw his tears

that moment i feel like i don't deserve to live anymore

i did not just broke his heart, i crushed it to dust

i hurt the man i love very much

i hurt him in the way that i never meant to

sedih banget rasanya

harus menyakiti dia dengan seperti ini caranya

gw masih gabisa maafin diri gw sendiri

rasa bersalah ini.....

betapapun dia bilang gapapa atau apa pun lah, dia pasti sbnrnya masih mikirin

gw gabisa banget harus ngebayangin dia galau

ketemu dia tadi aja juga keliatan, kebaca deh

masih terasa miris untuk gw melihat raut wajah dia yg sbnrnya sedih tapi berusaha santai

kebayang apa yg sedang dia rasakan

"tak ada manusia yg terlahir sempurna. jangan kau sesali segala yg telah terjadi. syukuri apa yg ada, hidup adalah anugerah. tetap jalani hidup ini melakukan yg terbaik"

mungkin yg harus gw pikirkan sekarang bukan semua ketakutan gw,

bukan semua sakit yg gw dan dia rasakan,

tapi gimana gw harus mensyukuri,

and really try to make everything works

mencari solusi, menyelesaikan masalah yg ada,

membuat dia tetap jatuh cinta sama gw

apart from my father,

he's the only man that understands me the most

the only man i cannot lie to

the only man that knows when I'm trying to lie to him

the only man that makes me feel comfortable even when I'm not

the only man that makes me laugh hard anytime

the only man that makes me smile when I see him smile

the only man that listen to me, no matter how stupid and unimportant my stories are

the only man that always be there for me and I can lean to

the only man that would hold me all night long just because

aku bener2 gamau kehilangan kamu

and, I just wanna say

thank you for being the best part of my life

I love you

so much

:')

kamis gerimis..

kamis sendu, kamis gerimis

kamis dimana di luar terang dan kering

tapi di dalam mendung bahkan hujan gerimis

kamis yang sendu,

kamis yang gerimis :'(

trick or treat

what I like about halloween,

we can put on masks and costumes and pretend to be someone we're not

to feel what it's like to be someone else

and just forget all problems and the rest of what we are

but then again,

it only last one day

and we must face our reality again

all our problems

our past

our awaiting future

perhaps it's nice,

to get the feeling of being someone you're not

and just start over

what do you think?

ready for trick or treat ?

one is all it takes.

*click the picture above*

"There are millions of people in this world. But in the end, it all comes down to ONE"

-from Crazy/Beautiful-

go ahead! truth won't hurt (that much)

source : http://louispagan.com/2009/03/

just when we are too afraid to face the truth,

all we think about is to lie about it

one lie will be followed by more lies

sometimes we afraid to tell the truth because maybe we are afraid we cannot handle it

or we still can't face the truth itself

as worst as the truth might takes us,

apparently, it is so much better to live with the consequences of telling the truth

rather than live under the shadows of lies that will haunt you forever

how movies can really make us think.

I went through the Internet just searching around, and found this website that consists of many quotes from movies.

And I found some are inspiring, funny, and yet true (at least for me it does) haha

Here are some...

"I didnt come back to tell you that i cant live without you.
I can live without you.

I just dont want to."

-Jennifer Aniston, Rumour Has It-

"And all the while I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up" -Kate Winslet, Titanic-

"smiling is my favorite. you make me smile. that makes you my favorite ♥ " -Elf-

"As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It's not that we don't want to, but too much has happened that we just can't." -Samantha, Now and Then-

"Remember when you were in kindegarten, and you meet a kid, and knew nothing about them, but ten seconds later you were playing like you were best friends; because you didn't have to be anything but yourself? "

"She was a smart girl; Until she fell in love." -Sex and The City-

"So you failed. You wanna be really great?
Have the courage to fail big & stick around.
Make them wonder why you're still smiling." -Elizabethtown-

just because...

not much.

just because the cold night, and the super headache I'm having since the night before,

and the lame times I've had since Tuesday,

and the broken promised that I should've tolerated, but I quite didn't because of my big ego and childish thinking that appeared suddenly,

and all the things that I wanted and wished to happen in my life

and also all the things that I wished you to do

so really, once again, it's just about my ego and my childish thinking that have not leave this brain just yet

but honestly, my dear

all I want (for) now

is just to spend the whole day like we've planned

it wasn't so hard, was it?

or are we too busy to be scheduled together in that much of time?

wow.

perhaps this is why I have this headache

perhaps I just think too much on these kinds of things

kinda hard to just let it flow somehow

haha -.-

oh well.

I guess I should call it a night.

gotta wake up early for the bloody morning/boring class

oh and one more thing,

you know what,

sometimes I just wonder...

will you be my last?

haha

too soon to think about it now, right?

oh well.

good night cold weather

shall tomorrow be a bright new wonderful day

amiin :)